Love Valentine's Day and want to write soppy verses about it? Hate Valentine's Day and want to write savage satires of squishy human feelings? Either way, you could win a free meal!
When January's icy grip gives way To February's thaw our thoughts must stray To that equally cursed and blessed day When couples dine in pairs with airs most gay.
For you, is a meal for two a bliss sublime Or do you spit to hear "St. Valentine"? Either way, we can lend your night a shine To win free nosh, just put your thoughts in rhyme!
We've two delicious dinners to be won The first, that natural food of passion: Pizza. The second, for those who Cupid shun: Burgers. And you can take some friends. What fun!
To win these vast repasts, why there's no trick: Write upon love in pentameter iambic, Or in haiku, blank verse, ballad, limerick, But no more doggerel like this, because we're sick of it.
Our famous Valentine's Day Poetry Competitions are now open! Prizes are a meal for two at Fratelli's, Cowley Road (up to a value £50) and a meal for any number of people at Atomic Burger, Cowley Road (up to a value of £50). To win dinner for two at Fratelli's, write a poem praising or being otherwise generally positive towards love/St. Valentine's Day. To win dinner at Atomic Burger, write an anti-Valentine's Day or anti-squishy-human-feelings poem.
Submit your poem using the "Review" field, below right. Remember to include a valid email address and telephone number with your submission, or we won't be able to contact you to give you your prize, should you win!
This competition is now closed. Winners will be notified shortly.
Anti-Valentine's Poetry Winner:
Marriage of Convenience
We fancied ourselves better than the others No heroes, no knights, no forceful passionate Bursts of emotion Clinging like shackles and rattling with the unpredictable Scatter of Lotto balls No need of heartache, of weeping eyes and heaving hearts No need of the messy entanglement That comes with love or commitment
And yet. …no excitement or euphoria No delightful nervousness, no jitters Nothing but the pedantic safety of our self-constructed prison Never falling in love…
True; never getting hurt Never knowing the bitterness of a weeping, violent wound.
But still. …No breakfast in bed, when we wake up late Or calling at night, to make up for a fight. No fulsome joy, no memorising each others faces No map of our secret lovers’ places
You said to me, what is this worth If in actuality, I sacrifice this untravelled life For quotidian security?
Then I would never know the marriage of true minds The tingles after a first kiss
You paused. You said, I no longer think of the heartache we’d evade But the precious moments we would miss.
Congratulations to Amelia!
Valentine's Poetry Winner:
In the Middle of Revision
I will praise the sofa Which we usurped today, Having few grand themes On which to poeticize. It was the best bit of my day.
Our neighbouring sofa Graffitied with cocks Was occupied by two On a business meeting, But we sat touching Laughing at nothing Into our lattes And I noticed our chair’s Graffiti said, “I love you.”
I’m not sure if I love you. But I find myself Aching and alive, Imagining us reading the papers together, Or turning the world upside-down.
Every year me and my boyfriend stay in on Valentine's Day. We hate watching other couples hold hands, with their stupid, naked faces all glowing like that. Instead, we eat pizza and gently squabble over the remote control. He is the other half of my soul.
to my val entine i'd mix you with wine but then i'd pine because your just fine in wine most of the time but then i'd restort to crime to fill my listless mind which wends and winds through the valley of brine that is the sea of your loveliness thank goodness for that ... END
In the dressing room of the Swansea Grand we find…
Miss Cora Goffin glued to a fan Well, you got to have a gimmick. ‘No you got to have a pair of shiny tights that are not full of holes’ She cries, then the Stagehand yelps ‘Beginners on stage.’
She growls, ‘You think this is easy…this putting on of slap; this cramming of heels…into last years shoes?’ She gestures like a grand dame: ‘It’s laddered again. It was laddered before. The heel on my nylons is gone, gone, gone.’
The crowds on the Prom watch the tide come in like Swansea is the South of France. Last weekday matinee of the season and the fan has waited this long to say, ‘You are my idol, you melt under spotlight Miss Goffin and I melt when you melt.’
She replies, ‘Have you seen the conditions I put up with here? Frost on the radiators. They’re calling me. But – Tights? No - you don’t. But I do – want a cigarette I have a great set of legs don’t I?’ Pausing for breath the fan pipes up ‘You are dressed as a boy Miss Goffin.’
‘The theatre world is for misfits or losers, for the rest of my life I’m going to be a good wife and live. Happily ever after, tonight I retire. You love the long hours and the lonely Stars on the exit of their careers. Not the reality of stage door rats, razor blade fights and the bitch slaps for juicy parts that ended last night in my pair of wrecked tights.’
Hark! The Star Crossed Lovers Sing (apologies to Charles Wesley)
Fresh made pasta is the primo, On the menu of great fayre; Cappuccino, lots of vino, Both these beverages there, Joyful all ye sweethearts dine, Eat fine food and sup fine wine; Insalata’s always good, Gnocchi too? I know I would; Hark, the star-crossed lovers sing, This beats any Burger King.
Cupid come and take your aim, With Grissini as your dart; Inject love in every vein; Thus it flows, straight through the heart; Mozzarella breaks the fall, Basil leaves carpet the hall; With tomatoes on the side, Il Tricolore satisfied, Hark! The star-crossed lovers sing; This beats any Burger King.
The Cassata sings to you: “Come and eat me, do it now!” Soon it’s joined by Tiramisu; You must choose, but don’t know how, Then Biscotti joins the call – Don’t they know you love them all? Amore is here to stay; On this special Valentine’s Day, Hark! The star-crossed lovers sing, This beats ANY Burger King!
There’s never a reason to gush and to coo If you want to express loving feelings. In proper society saccharine’s shunned And eyes are rolled up towards ceilings.
It just doesn’t do for a gentleman who Has designs on a young lady’s ardour, To invest in crap cards and cheap choccies or scent. He really should try so much harder.
A dîner à deux is the right thing to do If you’re out to impress her, my friend. The best restaurant you can find is the choice With no thought about what you might spend.
So scouring the pages for local reviews Is a sensible step to be taken. A recommendation you trust is the best If her faith in you’s not to be shaken.
So thanks, Daily Info, my guide in such matters, For the reviews that we find on your pages. Without these we’d struggle to know what is what And a choice would take ages and ages.
My last problem now is to categorise this: As Valentine anti or pro. It’s going to be tricky – there’s elements of both And I’m not sure which way I should go.
Fratelli’s: so fine with its pizzas and wine And Atomic’s got burgers to die for. I really have problems deciding on which Of these two places I would enjoy more.
So maybe you’d let me submit this for both As the prizes for each so appeal. Either would make the ideal place to take My wife for a Valentine meal!
mum dont give me garlic bread on the 14th, and i dont want baked beans either, can you make sure my shirt is ironed, with creases down the sleeve, and my jeans are in the cupboard, i will need clean undies too, and i better have clean socks , "just in case" - you know what i mean, "well that's what you always told me, wasn't it mum" oh can i borrow a couple of quid too, as i've run out of readys, mum get my after shave while you're down the shop, and get me a nice smelly shampoo she will be here at 6pm, can you open the door and let her in, oh and mum, don't embarrass me, treat me like an adult.
me
Your hair glows and glistens like the vibrant sun Your soul is brimming with so much love and fun. Yours is a smile that can light up a thousand skies And a beauty so divine no one can match an angel cries.
These words that are spoken are heartfelt and true Your splendour is a mystery just no clue To even consider giving you a nine, Should result in the harshest fine Because you are the standout ten!!
Your essence reminds me of a summer breeze Just one look at you would make any man freeze Yours is a smile that can light up a thousand skies And a beauty so divine no one can match an angel cries.
These words that are spoken are heartfelt and true Your splendour is a mystery just no clue To even consider giving you a nine, Should result in the harshest fine Because you are the standout ten!!
Waking up next to you would be such a pleasure A moment in life i would always treasure Yours is a smile that can light up a thousand skies And a beauty so divine no one can match an angel cries.
These words that are spoken are heartfelt and true Your splendour is a mystery just no clue To even consider giving you a nine, Should result in the harshest fine Because you are the standout ten!!
In your eyes I see your soul. Where love has become the goal. To me we are written in the stars and as our love spreads to Mars. It gives hope to those who pray by night. To find their true one under the moon light.
This is a cosmic love that shoots through the sky. Renewing hearts and getting us to try. This is a cosmic love that is burning deep inside. Something this good we can't hide, coz this is our cosmic love.
In your voice I hear the echoes of joy. Like lovers who are destined for Troy. To the world we look down with a heavenly glow and life seems to be a majestically flow It gives hope to those who pray by night. To find their true one under the moon light.
This is a cosmic love that shoots through the sky. Renewing hearts and getting us to try. This is a cosmic love that is burning deep inside. Something this good we can't hide, coz this is our cosmic love.
In your eyes I see your soul. Where love has become the goal. To me our love shines brighter than the Sun And as we send out our rays of fun It gives hope to those who pray by night. To find their true one under the moon light.
This is a cosmic love that shoots through the sky. Renewing hearts and getting us to try. This is a cosmic love that is burning deep inside. Something this good we can't hide, coz this is our cosmic love.
Baby one look at you has got me in a spin If I turn again then I know it will be a sin Your eyes shine brighter than the nights sky You beauty makes all the angels cry
Some times you don't even speak and yet I'm lost for words if I had to fight then it would the old school way with swords to defend you from whatever harm that comes your way Coz it would be an honour to be by your side every day for you are the queen of hearts
Baby one touch from you sends a shiver down my spine You could get a country to fall into line To see those eyes that shine brightly in the nights sky and whose beauty makes the angels just sigh
Some times you don't even speak and yet I'm lost for words if I had to fight then it would the old school way with swords to defend you from whatever harm that comes your way Coz it would be an honour to be by your side every day for you are the queen of hearts
Baby one look at you has got me in a spin If I turn again then I know it will be a sin Your eyes shine brighter than the nights sky You beauty makes all the angels cry
Some times you don't even speak and yet I'm lost for words if I had to fight then it would the old school way with swords to defend you from whatever harm that comes your way Coz it would be an honour to be by your side every day for you are the queen of hearts
If words had a price, than your name is a billion Because you my dear are worth more than a million A sexy Swedish smile that can melt a tonne of ice And a super seductive body that is oh so nice Thoughts of you are always running on my mind. I hope that these feelings can be repaid in kind
Baby you don’t realise how much you mean to me Because when I look into your eyes, I know where I want to be It’s with you baby, with you. I only want to be with you baby. With you, I just want to be with you.
If life was a film, than your name would be up in lights. So many leading men trying to be your man, would cause fights. If there is a blueprint for beauty, than I’m sure it’s you. Someone who is glamorous and graceful, it’s all so true Thoughts of you are always running on my mind. I hope that these feelings can be repaid in kind
Baby you don’t realise how much you mean to me Because when I look into your eyes, I know where I want to be It’s with you baby, with you. I only want to be with you baby. With you, I just want to be with you
Even if they offered me the Earth and said stay away I’d refuse and fight for you till my dying day Because I want to be with you and only you
Baby you don’t realise how much you mean to me Because when I look into your eyes, I know where I want to be It’s with you baby, with you. I only want to be with you baby. With you, I just want to be with you
All i remember from last night is your hourglass figure and thoughts of you in that dress definitely still linger The way your smile lit up the place doesn't do justice to the beauty of your face
When you walk into a room trust me my heart goes boom Its like you have control over me Girl you know you get me hypnotised
All I remember from last night is your sensual eyes and you can get me doing all sorts even telling lies The way you look gives me a thrill But gotta keep my game face on and chill
When you walk into a room trust me my heart goes boom Its like you have control over me Girl you know you get me hypnotised
All i remember from last night is your hourglass figure and thoughts of you in that dress definitely still linger The way your smile lit up the place doesn't do justice to the beauty of your face
When you walk into a room trust me my heart goes boom Its like you have control over me Girl you know you get me hypnotised
Ed's chair collapses, All weak at the knees. Or I kick out the legs, who knows. They heap at my feet, a-moaning, I'm glad, saved me from spraying my hose.
'Get up' I say, under the table. After a pause, I peek. What! Blimey! Jesus! Whoa Nelly! I say- 'I'm just gonna take a leak'.
These days it's quite rude, to shag right there, in England, during dinner for three. It's damn thoughtless, I think to myself, pulling my trousers down round by my knees.
jackbdm
I don't like Valentine's Day, Being told how to feel and what to say.
Commercial love forced upon us: "This is the day to make a fuss!"
But it's just another day on the calendar, No urgent need to buy chocolates and lavender.
Our love does not depend on the time, And this is what I tell to mine:
On the 14th, others may spend more, But I'll love you the other 364.
AlanShore
Beneath an umbrella, I hold her hand, Trembling in the cold drizzle
Beneath an umbrella, The rain pounds and heaves, Her breath hits the air in a thick mist
The fireworks inside my heart crash against my chest, my eyes fixated on her magic, and with every breath, the bangs and flickers of my heart beat harder and faster.
Beneath an umbrella we stare up into the frosted sky, Glittered with a wash of moonlit colours … Ruby, Bronze, Azure, Indigo, Gold, Magenta – Flirting frivolously with the night, spiralling and spilling in a flood above our heads.
The cacophony of hoots, cackles and wails pierce through the night air, illuminating our world and casting a lovesick spell amid the stars. We watch the flames waltz, like peacock feathers darted into the dark, as it blushes our cheeks.
Beneath an umbrella I fell in love.
Lillit
I felt the ball of fire in my heart Long before you arrived It was gracefully ignited by your presence And when you gazed into my eyes I felt it consume me
St Valentine, new stranger All collided at once With hot molten fire, unequal to those past Prejudiced lessons forgotten I felt it consume me
I welcomed it with courage Determined to believe cupids arrow Growing old now in years and soul, Passion a slow intense white glow I feel it consume me
Angela Clegg
Matthew, I'm in love with you and I don't even know why! Matthew, I'm in love with you 'cos you're my kind of guy!
When you smile, I feel a bit funny it's just a shame you still live with your Mummy
Oh, Matthew I'm in love with you! (Let's hope you love me too!)
Anon
You, always by my side, at least, not literally but in dreams.
Selfish as it may seem, on awaking I want my dream.
If it were to be true, and I be always beside you, nothing could trick my mind, no dark sorrows in me you would find.
But life as it goes, reality shall impose, and I must try to be without you.
Amos Diggery
you are natural
hairs of grey shooting through, the laughing lines upon you face, are characters of our skin, the faded spots of teenage embarassments, browney pigments of the days in sun, teeth of silver and gaps for storage, tube of whittening in the cupboard, dry weathered hands that cream no longer smooths, wings beneath your arm, and that spare trye round your middle, legs of hair , that no one sees , comfortable shoes, that ease the pain
50 years of joy, you've given to me , i'll be your valentine, with my bold head and my plates of teeth , my uncontrolable flatulance, and my afternoon naps , my worn socks in the bathroom and my off colour white vest,
true valentine comes everyday
tweasha
‘Big mistake,’ I thought, After ordering the salad, Because a salad On a first date Is always a bad idea.
But he was cute, Wore a button shirt - Which is essential To show a girl You mean business.
I met the parents - At a football match. It went alright... Thank goodness We won.
‘Why no drama?’ I thought, After six months or so, But I love him No need for spectacle I prefer our real glow.
Placing her single red rose on the surface Alone at a table for two. Not looking up at the people around her Too shy or too scared of the view.
A small glass of wine and her bag by her side Her hair in a freshly blown style Her clothes and her make up reflecting her years And a frown where there once sat a smile.
A minute has passed but if feels a like life time Memories of pain from her past. A man she once loved but who left her alone All those years that have flown by too fast.
Her one final chance, her one single wish Gently slipping away in one meeting. Alone at a table, a beautiful rose And a woman whose life seems so fleeting.
She takes her last sip; lets the wine warm her body Then she places the glass on the table. As she turns to walk out a man wanders in Like the prince from an old fashioned fable.
A single red rose and a life filled with wishes The years on his face slip away. The girl he has loved is alone at a table Nothings changed from that very first day.
1) Refuse to even acknowledge the demand 2) Slap him with the front and back of your hand 3) You’re in a relationship, you’re married, you’re gay 4) You still live with your parents, they’d get in the way 5) He can’t have your number, you’ve lost your phone 6) You’ve taken a vow to always be alone 7) You think he should know you were born a man 8) You’re just about to move to Japan 9) You’re allergic to any other human’s sweat 10) You’re only talking to him to win a bet 11) He reminds you of a guy you used to date 12) You would rather go out with his best mate 13) You’re a Scientologist, just like Tom Cruise 14) You’re 100% addicted to booze 15) You now have fifteen restraining orders 16) You legally can’t leave the UK’s borders 17) You getting married in just under a week 18) You’ve been voted the world’s biggest Star Trek Geek. 19) You’re already having an affair with his wife 20) You’d rather be single for the rest of your life
LMS
My Wife
How fair the luster of thine eyes Truth against a world's blanket lies With tenderness in thy vowed resolve Thou weave the union of our souls
DBlackmore
I'd choose a chunk of cheddar I'd certainly choose cheese
I hanker for Halloumi I'd get down on my knees For a nibble of Northumberland Or a piece of Perroche please
I'd love a lttle Leafield Lick a plate of Liptoi clean I crave a Cambazola In my deepest Edam dream
The vulgarity of Vulscombe The hue of Beenleigh's Blue Adamantine Ardi-Grasna Creamy Crottin, I love you
Teifi is terrific Try some Teleme on toast Taste Tillamook, Toscana Or Cuajada from the coast
I have a penchant for Pencarreg A lust for Leicester Red A yearning for some Jarlsberg A hunger in my head
For a sliver of Scamorza A hunk of Hermélin A knob of finest Neufchatel A smear of Soumaintrain
I'd grab a Gruyère in a minute On reclette I'd spike and spin it My love of Langres knows no limit Craving crack just isn't in it!
In Serra da Estrela In a pungent Parmesan In a dish of Devon Garland Every woman every man
Join me in jubilation In Apache or Chinese Oh! Yield to Temptation And cry 'Three Cheers for Cheese!'
Roderick Smith
Dearest bloke
When winter licks its icy tongue around my lips And Christmas chocolate still hangs around my hips It's good to know you love me still I think of Troy and ancient Attica As I rub oil on your sciatica I never had a face to launch a thousand ships And yet you know I care enough Not like some flirty bit of fluff And so I hope you will stay mine My creaking ageing Valentine!
Houston
I found a piece of chocolate Underneath a tree I knew this piece of chocolate Was waiting there for me
My name was written on it By who I do not know They know my love for chocolate I'm not afraid to show
I gently bent to gather it Within my grasp so sweet Soon to meet my lips and mouth A pleasure sure to eat
I pondered when to taste This valued treat of mine That's when I felt the tender touch Of my beloved valentine
His kiss was even sweeter Than this gift he gave to me His love more rich and treasured Than this chocolate could be
I love them both quite dearly Yet if I had to choose My valentine would win my heart Sweet chocolate You lose
sallie bundy
Nobody could be so special as you are to me fills my life, my heart my world with so much happiness.
Nobody else could make me whole you make me with a simple gesture, with their sweet words, with your smile with her delicious warmth.
Nobody could be that person, so special so sweet so captivating so sweet so tender so lovely fascinating as passionate as you are to me.
No one else could know me and I understand better than you
Nobody else could be my baby ... Nobody, except you.
Remember ...
I loved you yesterday Love today I'll love you forever ... forever.
Happy Valentine's Day, my LOVE ... Listen Read phonetically Dictionary - View detailed dictionary
Fabio Moore
While the economy slumps our love continues to boom Whilst share prices plummet our commodity increases in value I fell in love with you when we had our very first kiss Making me wait until our fourth date……….hisssssss!
I’ve waited my entire life for a love like this before I met you I was lost in the abyss. I treasure the map which led me to your heart I was surrounded by 13 of cupid’s arrows and hit with 1 dart.
I know you’re looking forward to the 14th Sniffing around for a hint and a sight of your gift. When I feel low your encouraging smile gives me a lift. Your belief in me lets me stand as tall as a mountain
I am under the thumb I’m not embarrassed to say I fancy a roll in the hay What do you say?
DCas
Ode to the 14th of February
Buy her diamonds, buy him wine On this feast of Valentine. Out for dinner, buy a card, (Is your wallet feeling scarred?) Fancy clothes and jewellery, Romance doesn’t come for free. I can’t handle this expense, So, like anyone with sense, I’ll be staying in this year With my loyal pint of beer. I’m not bitter, I’m just poor And of this I am quite sure: This is a conspiracy Made to bankrupt folk like me. Never mind, it’s just as well, I’m still single. Can you tell?
Melior
I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace. If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way.
My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell."
What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.
snoopy
Hearts and roses and chocolates galore, What the hell is all that shit for? People get gooey and act all queer, It is definitely the most sickening day of the year. St Valentines hurry up and pass, Before I shove something up Cupid's ass. I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak And wear black for the rest of the week. Guys act all loving and sweet but soon it will fade, For all they want is to get laid. Cupid's arrow not have hit, Cause I think this love thing is a crock of shit. So, here's my story... what else can I say? Love bites my ass... F**k Valentines Day
AllyBye
A slight pause and I began to think, That dream that what was once in me, Inner pictures of that belief, That someday I may catch you in my sleep, Walk around hand in hand and be at peace.
A sudden teardrop appears from above. Like water running through a beautiful stream. Everything has a beginning, Everything has an end.
I hope to see that day again, When the door opens and the sky turns blue, That feeling when all is good, The sounds, the air, it's all you....
A sudden teardrop appears in my heart, Like water running though a beautiful stream, Everything has a beginning, Everything has an end...
Just be ready when the clock sounds ten.. That day when the days come to an end. Be sure all will revealed, An angel singing to you with a glorious feel.
the part of me that want you, is my heart, the part that wants to dump you is my brain, the part that wants to hold you are my arms, the parts that want to run away are my legs the parts of me that look at you, are my eyes the part of me,that are my lips, sometimes lie the parts of me that touch you, are my hands the parts of me that dos'nt listen are my ears its a classic statement we have all heard before, that i cant live with you but cant live without you, happy valentine
shambles
Mukram is brilliant Mukram is great He calms me down When I'm in a state He makes me laugh When I'm feeling blue This is to tell him "I really love you"